What If Doing More Isn't The Answer?

For years, whenever life felt hard, I did what many of us do.

I looked for solutions.

A new planner or diary, a better routine, a different app, a new podcast, a recommended book, another course, a more structured approach...

Sometimes they helped, sometimes they even worked for a while. But eventually, I'd find myself back in the same place, wondering why I couldn't seem to stick with the things that were supposed to help, or why they ended up feeling like another thing I had to add to my growing "to do" list...

I blamed myself.

I thought I lacked discipline, consistency and willpower. Had everyone else figured something out that I hadn't?

Then perimenopause entered the chat...

At the same time, I was navigating a late ADHD diagnosis, exploring my autistic identity, running a business, supporting others, and trying to make sense of a body and brain that no longer seemed to follow the way of doing things that I had relied on for years.

The strategies that used to work no longer worked.

The routines that once helped me stay on top of things became harder to maintain.

The harder I pushed, the harder everything seemed to become.

So again, I did what many high-achieving women do: I kept trying harder, researching more, adding more, pushing through, putting on a brave face while feeling like an absolute failure on the inside.

Until eventually (through a major breakdown), I realised something - the problem wasn't that I didn't know enough, or that I wasn't trying hard enough, the problem was that I was trying to force old solutions, or other people's solutions onto my brain, body and life. And these were continually changing.

Since then, I've had conversations with countless women navigating the intersection of ADHD and/ or Autism and perimenopause. Different backgrounds, different circumstances and different lives, but the feelings, thoughts and themes that come up are remarkably similar.

Many are exhausted and feel overwhelmed.

Many are carrying the mental load for everyone around them.

Many have spent years gathering information, researching solutions and trying to make sense of what is happening. Most have tried many different solutions and haven't been able to make them stick, just like me.

One thing that has stood out in almost every conversation is this:

Most Autistic and ADHD women in perimenopause aren't lacking awareness - they're drowning in it.

What they often need isn't another strategy to add to an already overflowing plate.

They need space.

Space to pause.

Space to notice what is helping and what isn't.

Space to let go of things that no longer fit.

Space to stop measuring themselves against a version of themselves that existed in a different season of life.

For me, that shift has been one of the most important lessons.

Not learning how to do more - learning how to do less, with greater intention.

Learning what to keep, what to change, what to reduce, what to delegate...

And what to let go of altogether (without feeling guilt, shame or judgement).